I’ve recently revamped this blog since I lost focus and felt it wasn’t evolving the way I’d hoped. In order to keep everyone updated, I’m going to post below some snippets of the more important updates that got deleted, all involving a very wild, romantic, and completely spontaneous trip across the country.
Posted on September 4th, 2013:
I feel as though I have reached the farthest, deepest, most terrifying moment in my entire life to date. In a matter of hours, I have become a homeless and desperately confused young woman. My 11-month relationship and comfortable home have disappeared entirely. I am left facing an entire lifetime without a hint of what is to come.
I started this journey under the guise of a beautiful love story. Five years ago, under the unrelenting sun of an Idahoan summer, a quietly clever and exquisitely tanned boy walked into my life for the long haul–though we didn’t know it then. As the older brother of my younger brother’s best friend, he was officially off limits. However, in those days, I had no regard for the rules. In a small, rural town of no more than 200 residents, we had the glimmering lakes and high-rising trees as our playground. I had meant to spend only a week in paradise, but I pushed back the deadline every morning when I woke up. Always another day to spend with my dark, handsome Romeo.
I didn’t know that I loved him then. Fifteen is such a tender age. Everything seems beautiful and nothing seems unattainable. The world had not yet savagely bared to me it’s teeth.
A lesson I was soon to learn was that everything that begins must have an ending and that what goes up must come down. I eventually had to leave him behind. Summer was over. I had no choice but to say goodbye. The deadline could be postponed no longer.
The last time I saw him, on August 20th, 2008, he was wearing his oversized denim jacket that I’d grown to love. He drove me to the edge of town, and beneath the same gleaming sun that witnessed our first touch, our first kiss, and a chain of other firsts, he sang to me.
We had promised that we would see each other again. No matter where we were or what we were doing with our lives, at some point in time we would find each other again.
That promise is slowly becoming the most important promise I’ve ever made.
Here I am now, a little over 5 years into the future. I’ve finished school, worked, dated other people…I’ve lived my life. He has done the same. He went to college, spent a year in Spain, joined the US Navy. Few words were spoken between either of us in the years that have passed. But perhaps true love requires no words at all?
My future self was in a somewhat happy relationship with a nice boy, living with him, about to start a year of college with him, essentially as committed as I could be.
And then it happened. He popped back up. A glimmer of a thought in my mind turned into a brief text message, and a brief text message turned into an emotionally charged confession: “I have been in love with you for 5 years.”
To which I received this response:
Pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since you walked out of your house with the smiley face shirt on. I kinda assumed I’d ask you to marry me one day. I still believe that. I don’t know when but someday.
What? How? When? After 5 years, 2 countries, several other women, an entirely different life, how could this perfectly created man still love me? How could I still love him? How was it possible that though miles and miles had separated us for years, we both still retained the feelings we had first felt during a hot summer over 1,800 days ago?
I was in too far by now. I couldn’t get myself out of this even for all the money in the world.
Needless to say, my boyfriend left me and kicked me out of his house.
I also have a plane ticket that will take me 3,000 miles across the country, where a quietly clever and exquisitely tanned man waits for me.
Is this the great and wonderful love story it seems to be? I feel like a princess in a Disney story. I’m incredibly sad, scared, and crazy due to the events that have transpired in these last few days. The life I knew like the back of my hand is no longer the life I face when I look forward. I am sad that I’ve lost such a dear friend. I am scared that I am walking into a life of hopping from couch to couch, wondering where I will lay my head each night. I’m crazy for giving up everything I had for a man I haven’t seen in 5 years who told me he still loves me.
Through the darkest moments in my life, through the constant turmoil and stresses I face each hour, each day, each year, there is one thing I have never forgotten and never stopped believing in: the power of love. I’ve never been the one to listen to the logic of my mind. No, I’ve been the foolish one who follows the whims of her heart. I’m a firm believer that if you risk nothing, you will gain nothing. There is no reward in remaining static.
My mind would’ve told me to stop, to get out, to not follow through with the want and desire, but my heart leapt out of my chest and decided to go after him itself, risking everything for the only thing that matters.
Real, true love that spans miles, survives years, and needs no words.
Posted on September 17th, 2013:
I made it to Charleston, South Carolina early this morning, after a grueling day of work and two languid flights.
He was there waiting for me.
I hurried off the plane and made my way to baggage claim basically running. He was outside parking the car. I walked back and forth, back and forth, what felt like a hundred times waiting for him to walk through those doors.
And then he did.
I saw his Navy uniform from a distance and I stopped mid-step, covered my giant idiotic smile I couldn’t help with both my hands, and slowly walked toward the so familiar yet so strange figure walking towards me with an equally animated smile plastered across his face.
He looks the same. He’s still that same boy I fell in love with all those years ago just a little more grown up. He traded his bandanas for his camo. He still has that gorgeous smile, beautiful laugh, and God, is he shy as ever. Just like always. His mouth is quiet but those eyes say it all.
I’m currently awaiting his release from his work day at a little Starbucks in North Charleston. Being alone in this strange city, a whole entire country away from the places that I’m used to, is frankly kind of terrifying. It’s also exciting. Everything is different! The people are different–the way they act, talk, walk, dress. The environment is completely different–the weather, the bugs, the streets, the stores. It’s quite a culture shock here!
Will and I have discussed briefly the idea of me moving here in the near future (assuming things, you know, work out between us this coming week.) Being stuck in this city for only one day has already got me scared. It’s HOT. Maybe not for these people–they are all walking around in pants and sweaters! But for a North West girl like me, this muggy 75 degrees is killer!
I’m quite nervous to meet Will’s friends. Apparently he’s mentioned me a lot to them and I’m afraid to disappoint. I hope William didn’t build me up to be this amazing, beautiful person because that’s how he remembers me from all those years ago, just for me to show up being this awkward, never-says-the-right-thing-at-the-right-time kind of girl with frizz-ball hair. I hope they are all nice and easy going, and I’m sure they will be because that’s exactly the type of person Will is.
For now I’m just going to focus on curling up with him tonight, watching the season premiere of New Girl, and chatting over a few glasses of wine. After all, we have a lot of years to cover.
Posted on September 24th, 2013:
This past month has thrown plot twist after plot twist at me full force. Two months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me I’d be doing what I’m doing right now.
I can hardly believe that I just spent a week with Will. After 5 lingering years, he became more of an idea of a person rather than a real person at all. He was a dream, a distant memory of better times; a story I told my friends in those sleepy, exposing conversations in the middle of the night at a slumber party. But, all of a sudden, there he was, standing in front of me. The living, breathing, warm to the touch physical manifestation of the man I always dreamt about.
The first day we were quiet and goofy. Neither of us could say much, probably due half to shock and half to shyness. All it took was a kiss to prove that I wasn’t in a dream and it was really him. It took us both back to the way things used to be.
I can barely even recount the week I spent in South Carolina, partially because it flew by so quickly, but also because I was so focused on Will and so entranced by Will that I could hardly see anything else. I swear I just stared at him for hours. I spent every night securely tangled in his arms. I fell even deeper into love with him whenever he smiled. We got matching tattoos and shared many bottles of wine.
I’ve always had this sense that there was something more I should be doing in my life, something more that was meant for me. Now I know why–it is him. It’s always been him. I’ve been waiting and waiting in ignorance. I’ve been wondering and wondering why I’ve always felt that something was missing. It’s because I need him.
We spent a lot of time in the hotel room just talking and telling each other all the highlights from the past 5 years. We talked about high school, college, Spain for him, Oregon for me. We told each other the funny stories and the weird stories. We summarized everywhere our lives and taken us en route to that moment when we could finally be together again.
With Will being in the Navy, it makes us being together a little complicated. But I know we can make it work. I would walk to the ends of the Earth for this man, and I’ll be ready for any plot twist Life tries to throw at me this time. Life is tricky, but Love conquers all.